Let Your God Love You!

I have recently returned from an individual guided retreat at All Hallows Convent, Ditchingham. I have visited All Hallows a couple of times before, staying for a few days each time, joining the Sisters for worship and a midday meal. It is a place of peace and of welcome, and I felt at home there from the very first visit; indeed I wrote in my journal that I could hear God singing from the roof there, like a Chaffinch or a Robin!

We were greeted with tea and cakes, and with a beautiful little vase of wild flowers in our rooms. After tea, we maintained silence (except for worship, and for chats with our guides) until breakfast on the last day. It was tricky remembering to show the day to day civilities by gesture instead of in words, but  there was a real feel of Companions On The Journey Together with us retreatants. And, my goodness, did we make up for it with chat at that last breakfast!  ;-)

Each day we met our guides, talking together, sharing together and going away with Bible readings or other quotes to think upon. We then prayed, meditated or thought in silence; in our rooms, in the communal living room, with the baby bunnies and red-legged partridges in the gardens, or as we walked the beautiful country lanes around there. We read, we stitched, we knitted, we slept, and we just allowed God to reach us as He wanted to.

Sister Sheila was my retreat guide. At the first meeting, she gave me a poem/prayer that really hit deeply, so I thought I would share it here. I don't know who wrote it, but will gladly acknowledge the author if I ever find out! Here it is:

Be silent. Be still.

Alone: empty before your God.

Say nothing.

Ask nothing.

Be silent.

Be still.

Let your God look upon you.

That is all.

He knows.

He understands.

He loves you

with an enormous love!

He only wants

to look upon you

with his love.

Quiet.

Still be.

Let your God

love you!

Image from Google Images search http://www.care2.com/greenliving/its-official-meditation-cures-stress.html

Set my people free!

Prayer for Prisoners

Oh God,
Who sent your Son
To set the captives free,
Have pity on those who are trapped
In their minds -
The depressed,
The addicted,
Those with dementia;
Break their bonds,
Gracious Lord,
And set them free.

Image found by Google Images http://www.superstock.com/stock-photos-images/1830-2070

Lectio Divina - Legion, the Gerasene

Lectio Divina - reading the Bible in a meditative way, imagining yourself there in that situation, looking for meaning.

The reading for this morning's daily prayers was the story of the man from Gerasa who is so filled with demons he calls himself 'Legion'. As I read it, tears filled my eyes. I understood some of his pain as I have had depression myself and witnessed my husband captive to his own fears. I needed to write what I felt, so I share it with you now....

That poor man;

A legion of conflicting voices

waging war in his head,

tearing him apart,

tossing his battered mind from one to another

like a precious object

thrown by malicious bullies,

while he stood by

helpless and weeping.

The pain he must have felt!

The agony of helplessness

that made him roar and rage,

beyond any man's help - 

how could they see

the war inside him?

How could they know how it felt,

when even cutting your body

to try to release the demons

seems your only help.

And then Jesus came-

Jesus!

Compassion shining in His eyes,

Hope radiating from His healing hands.

And at first the man was afraid.

How would it be to be free?

This terror was so awful,

but it was his terror,

familiar to him.

What - who -  would he be without it?

It had been so long now,

he couldn't remember 

what sanity was like.

And Jesus looked,

and He touched,

and He healed.

And suddenly the fear was gone.

Gone!

The weight was lifted!

The dark, rumbling clouds

replaced with blue sky and sunshine.

He could see again - 

truly see!

The distorted, haunted,

ghost-screaming world

replaced with beauty and love,

and hope!

Then he remembered who he was - 

a beloved Child of God,

wanted, 

protected, 

safe.

And as he wept at Jesus' feet, 

all the angels of heaven

wept and rejoiced with him.

He was Home at last.

Image from Google search 

http://iamthemindfire.deviantart.com/art/CONTENTMENT-176419114

Sanctuary, Sanctuary!!

My ears need sanctuary today from the noise of the Flooring People removing the tiles downstairs in my living and dining rooms! (Not that the men themselves are making the noise you understand, just the machine they're using.) However, the sanctuary in the title is my newly refurbished bedroom.

 In August 2011 things had got so bad with my husband's alcoholism that I couldn't bear sharing a room with him anymore, so I bought myself a bed from a charity shop and moved into the tiny spare room. The main bedroom was just awful - food, urine, blood and faecal stains on the carpet, the bed broken where he'd fallen on it so many times, and the smell!!!! Urrgghh! This tramp, this unwashed, unshaven stranger who used to be my loving husband.....  

Anyway, a few months after God took him home for healing, I decided to reclaim the room as a joyous, peaceful sanctuary. I ripped out the carpet and dismantled the bed. I took down the built-in wardrobe (which I'd never liked) and gave it all a thorough clean. I decided to paint the walls a healing green, a Springtime colour. It needed several coats as the original colour was deep pink on one wall, and lavender blue on the others. I had new doors fitted on all the upstairs rooms - most of them used to stick or wouldn't shut properly. I had the beautiful wooden floor sanded, stained and sealed, and I vowed to furnish it with used items as far as possible - and to leave a big space in the middle for dancing prayers!!

So, at long last, here it is.....

On the outside of the door is this beautiful plaque 

which my daughter brought back from her visit to Ireland....

...and on the back of the door are some Shaker style pegs.

The head of the bed is in the niche that used to be the built-in wardrobe. During the day the bed is covered to protect against muddy paw prints.

This is a close up of the pretty coverlet I bought from Sainsburys.

Here is the bed without the protection - as modelled by Bramble, who wanted to see what I was up to. I made the duvet cover and pillowslip myself, using a beautiful yellow gingham with daisies  fabric, an old white sheet, and some little yellow ribbon roses. It doesn't really show properly in the picture, unfortunately.

The curtains are made of the same fabric. When the sun shines through it's like daffodils in Springtime!

Above my bed hangs this lovely cross, bought on a visit to Walsingham. It has the Lord's Prayer on it, and is so bright and colourful.

The bedside cabinet came from the shop at our local recycling plant. On it you see two Bibles (KJV and GNB), alarm clock, reading glasses, pen and paper - for thoughts that occur in the night!

Here is a chest of drawers for clothes, with a mirror, hairbrush and rosary on top - and Luna's back end as she passes by!

This beautiful old chest of drawers is another charity shop find. On top is an old dressing table set I got from Ebay a few years ago.

Here is a close-up of the back of the clothes brush, so you can see the embroidered (silk?) back.

My lovely little wardrobe, and a stand, both charity shop finds. I have to tie the handles together to stop certain kitties from trying to find their way to Narnia then getting trapped cos I haven't noticed they're there.

This Ottoman belonged to hubby's parents. 

My lovely, lovely wash stand!! It's actually a tea trolley that belonged to hubby's Gran. On the top layer is an enamel bowl from Ebay, enamel jug from QD, soap dish from charity shop and home made deodorant. In the middle is a towel and flannel, and at the bottom is a metal bucket for used water, covered with an old towel, dyed, and used to stand on when I wash. (Also useful to stop a daft Bramble from trying to drink the soapy water!) I soooooo love taking my time with my morning ablutions in my own room, and it will be really useful on a hot Summer's day to just refresh myself here.

Look how pretty the soap dish is!

I've always wanted a bureau! This is another charity shop find. You must think the charity shops near me are bulging with such bargains, but sometimes I have waited months before finding what I wanted.

Inside. The ink stand was bought from Ebay several years ago - it's good to have a proper place for it now.

On top of the bureau is this Willow Tree figure. I love the simplicity of the Willow Tree 'sculptures', the way feelings are shown by the inclination of the head and position of the body. When I had come to terms with being on my own, I bought this figure because she represents me in my new phase of life - she is thoughtfully sitting, contemplating God and the simple life He has given her, serene and content.

And, finally, a picture I intend to hang when I can find where I have put the hammer and nails. The picture itself was found by Google image search, and the quote is from an online story by my lovely web friend, Ember. In case you can't read it, here is a close-up...

So there we are......hope you enjoyed the tour, and may all who read this post find their own places of serenity and sanctuary  x x 

A bit of algebra

Do you remember algebra from school? I was ok at the early stages ( x +2 = 5) but when it got to double brackets that you tackle as a smiley face.....well, I’m just glad I only needed to remember that for exams!

Anyway, I was at an Al-Anon support meeting tonight and the speaker told us of something she’d read that had helped her, and it began with a simple bit of algebra:

a + b = c

In this equation a is yourself, b is someone or something that is immovable, and c is the end result, the situation you’re unhappy about. Now you want to change c, since you’re unhappy about it but, try as you might, you can’t change b. So what can you do? Change a of course! Change yourself! Change your attitude to b!

In the context of Al-Anon, b is the alcoholic friend or relative and c is the unhappy family life or friendship that results. You cannot change b, only b can do that, but you can change a (yourself), and this will ultimately change c.  For example, if someone keeps trying to provoke an argument you can choose to do something about it: refuse to rise to the bait, keep calm, walk out of the room, go for a walk etc. By doing this you have changed the end result!

It reminds me of two well known prayers:

Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can, 

and wisdom to know the difference.