Mary Magdalene reflects

Happy Easter everyone!!

There have been some really moving services in my church this Holy Week and Easter Day. I have been truly humbled by God's presence there, and in the people present (who, after all, are the real church, not the building!). 

On the evening of Easter day, our curate, Zoe, read some pieces from "Reflective Services for Lent, Holy Week and Easter" by Nick Fawcett, and I was blown away! 

Anyone who knows me knows how much I enjoy reading stories aloud - a legacy of over 25 years of teaching in Primary schools - and so I have tried to record one of the reflections for you. In this piece, Nick puts himself in the place of Mary Magdalene, about to tell the disciples the good news that Jesus is alive - if they'll believe her! (N.B. I had to turn the sound up fairly loud when I replayed it. I'll have to get advice from my technical brother on how to improve the sound quality!)

Image found by Google images search from https://www.lds.org/liahona/2003/06/jesus-is-risen?lang=eng

Drama Queen 2

This is what I originally wrote in my journal about the Dramatic Gestures, which I unpacked for the last blog post. Says the same kind of thing, but slightly differently.

To give up the Dramatic Gestures -
not because it's WRONG or SINFUL
(The spirit of Blame and Self-hate),
but because it's Not Necessary
(The spirit of Realistic Love):
I don't need to do these things
to gain God's love,
because God loves me already.
I cannot buy God's love with 'holy gestures' - 
nothing I do,
or give up,
can make God love me 
any more than He already does.
And nothing I do or say,
or don't do or say,
can make Him love me
any less than He already does.

God loves me.
Full stop.
Not dramatic exclamation mark,
or capital letters,
just quiet full stop;
nothing more needs to be said.

Pic by Google Images search  http://pastorcarolmora.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/jesus_love.jpg

Drama Queen!

I have to confess to having a weakness for the Dramatic sometimes.
I think it stems from all the stories of heroes/heroines I have read and loved since I was a child - you know, fairy tales, fantasy stories, King Arthur and his knights and all that. Of course, when you read these you naturally cast yourself as the Noble Knight On A Quest or the Wise Lady Dispensing Wisdom or the Beautiful Princess Admired By All. When I became a Christian I read stories of saints and martyrs and, naturally, saw myself in those roles too - the Tragic Martyr Who Bravely Held On To Her Beliefs No Matter What. There I stand, on top of the high place, wind blowing my long hair and long skirts, looking nobly, determinedly, (but humbly) into the face of danger, the sun making a halo behind my head, swoon, swoon!

Well, this is all very well when you're little, or when you're reading the book, but what about Real Life? Ah, now that's where the problems begin!

I look back on my life and realise how often I have made the same Dramatic Statements.  
My family will be familiar with the usual ones:

I'M NEVER CUTTING MY HAIR AGAIN!!  
(Biblical Nazarite, Amish, or historical reasons. But, after a year or two, I get fed up with long hairs all over the floor and in the bath, and the amount of time it takes to wash and dry.)

I'M NEVER EATING CHOCOLATE/SUGAR AGAIN! 
Which is sometimes expressed as..
I WILL EAT HEALTHILY FROM NOW ON!  or  
I WILL RESPECT MY BODY!  
(Yes, a very hoary chestnut, that one, never maintained beyond a week or two!)

When I gave up teaching, I realised I had the freedom to try out my pipe dreams...

I WILL GROW ALL MY OWN FOOD, AND BOTTLE/PRESERVE IT MYSELF!  
(But I only like gardening in certain weathers - not when it's too hot, too cold or too wet.)

I WILL LIVE WITHOUT ELECTRICITY!
(Except in Winter when I get cold and the lack of light triggers my S.A.D. - and when I want to use my laptop, or the microwave...)

I WILL BE A NATURE RESERVE WARDEN!
(See note above about weather.)

I WILL GIVE ALL MY TIME IN SERVICE TO OTHERS!
(Until I'm exhausted and then feel resentful.)

I WILL PRAY 4 TIMES A DAY, LIKE NUNS DO!
(But they live in community, to support each other; and they don't need to cook all their own meals or go shopping.)

I WILL GET UP AT DAWN EACH DAY!
(But this goes completely against my body clock.)

All very laudable statements, but none of them are realistic. Of course, when the Grand Promises get broken, and the Dramatic Gestures can no longer be sustained, I end up swooping down from the mountain tops down, down to the very depths of guilt and self-hate, wallowing in my supposed awfulness...

I'M A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE PERSON!

HOW CAN GOD EVER LOVE ME?

I AM THE WORST OF SINNERS! 

Guess what? These are Dramatic Gestures too - and they're just as unrealistic as the other ones!

So why do I do it? 
Mostly it comes from a desire to be a good person, to please God. I am trying to earn God's love, to win respect from other people and, yes, sometimes I suspect I'm showing off a bit too! (Sorry!)

But, when you look at it, this all stems from insecurity, from a lack of belief in God's love for us. It's so hard to really believe and accept that God actually loves us just as we are. We don't have to earn it. We don't have to buy it. God really, really, REALLY loves us!

So, from now on, I'M GIVING UP DRAMATIC GESTURES! 
Oh, wait, that's another D.G. isn't it?! Hmm... let's change it... I pray that God will help me to live more realistically, to trust Him more, and believe in His love.

*cue sweeping strings and triumphant brass...*

Catching up

Gosh, such a long time since I've written on here! I've been meaning to write all the hundred and one things I've thought of since last August but, somehow, other things take priority and time just slips away. And now, where do I start? Which of those 101 things do I begin with? Hmmm....I’ll start by giving you some very belated news.

Last July, I became a Companion of Julian of Norwich. This is a worldwide group of people, lay or clergy, who wish to follow Julian’s teachings in their lives. Companions try, as best they are able, to:

·        reflect the unconditional love of God in their response to others and to themselves

·        exercise compassionate empathy in their daily lives

·        meditate and intercede for the world for at least 30 minutes a day

·        seek spiritual nourishment from regular study of Julian’s “Revelations of Divine Love”

·        make at least one visit to the Julian Shrine in Norwich during their lifetime, if possible

We make these promises annually and, as I only live about 45 minutes away from the Shrine, I made my promises there. It was a beautiful, moving occasion with nine of us, including my Mum and Daughter, in the tiny little room. Canon Beryl, my Rector and one of my sponsors, led the short service and Daphne, the other sponsor, read the Bible reading I had chosen (1 John 4:7-12). We sang, unaccompanied, Be Thou My Vision, and Liz Thomas, a Companion, presented me with a certificate, badge and medallion. There were other Friends of Julian present too, including Sister Pamela from All Hallows Community, who provide hospitality for visitors to the Shrine. (And, indeed, tea and cakes afterwards!)

Here are some piccies:

 Me, with Canon Beryl and Daphne.

My beautiful daughter is on the left, 

and my wonderful Mum is next to me, on the right of the picture.

Incidentally, I made the purple dress I am wearing, rushing to finish it on time. Since the fabric frays easily, I later had to reinforce the seams to make up for the short cuts I had taken!

I think that will do for this post - hopefully will post another of the 100 things left soon!

Blessings to all who read this!  x x

God's butterfly touch

Came across this beautiful poem today in this daily prayer book.....

The man whispered, ‘God speak to me’

and a meadowlark sang.

But the man did not hear.

So the man yelled, ‘God, speak to me’

and the thunder rolled across the sky.

But the man did not listen.

The man looked around and said,

‘God, show me a miracle!’

and new life was born.

But the man did not know.

So the man cried out in despair,

‘Touch me, God,

and let me know you are here!’

whereupon God reached down

and touched the man.

But the man brushed the butterfly away,

and walked on.

http://www.fotothing.com/photos/f0a/f0acfb56652eb8ca4f7cfc3a7516033f.jpg

Talitha Koum! Get up, little girl!

Today's reading was the story of Jairus' daughter, in Mark 5:35-43. Jairus, the leader of the synagogue, an important man, is desperately worried about his daughter who is dying. He turns to Jesus for help. On the way there he is told it is too late, she has died. Jesus carries on regardless, turfs out all the weeping mourners, and chooses just 3 disciples and the child's parents to witness the miracle. 

What struck me today was all the little details included - the girl's age, the actual words Jesus uses, that He held her hand, and that he told the parents to give her something to eat. This is surely the memory of one who was present. I wonder who passed the story on - Peter? James? John? Or maybe the girl's parents? Can you picture them retelling it, from person to person, till it got written down?

I dwelt on the words Jesus used -Talitha Koum! - which means "Little girl, get up!" Can you hear the love in those words?

Get up, Little One!
God's got a job for you.
By your very living
you will proclaim God's healing power,
His loving care for his children.

Get up, Little One!
Show the world there is hope
when all seems lost.

Get up, Little One!
Show everyone that Death is not final,
that Love triumphs over all.

Get up, Little One!
And be my witness
to the world.

And, one day,
when you are old
and Death comes for you again,
I shall take your hand once more
and say "Get up, Little One!"
as your spirit joins mine for ever.

http://figurativeartlivingmasters.wordpress.com/2010/12/20/del-parson-1948-american/

Lectio Divina - Legion, the Gerasene

Lectio Divina - reading the Bible in a meditative way, imagining yourself there in that situation, looking for meaning.

The reading for this morning's daily prayers was the story of the man from Gerasa who is so filled with demons he calls himself 'Legion'. As I read it, tears filled my eyes. I understood some of his pain as I have had depression myself and witnessed my husband captive to his own fears. I needed to write what I felt, so I share it with you now....

That poor man;

A legion of conflicting voices

waging war in his head,

tearing him apart,

tossing his battered mind from one to another

like a precious object

thrown by malicious bullies,

while he stood by

helpless and weeping.

The pain he must have felt!

The agony of helplessness

that made him roar and rage,

beyond any man's help - 

how could they see

the war inside him?

How could they know how it felt,

when even cutting your body

to try to release the demons

seems your only help.

And then Jesus came-

Jesus!

Compassion shining in His eyes,

Hope radiating from His healing hands.

And at first the man was afraid.

How would it be to be free?

This terror was so awful,

but it was his terror,

familiar to him.

What - who -  would he be without it?

It had been so long now,

he couldn't remember 

what sanity was like.

And Jesus looked,

and He touched,

and He healed.

And suddenly the fear was gone.

Gone!

The weight was lifted!

The dark, rumbling clouds

replaced with blue sky and sunshine.

He could see again - 

truly see!

The distorted, haunted,

ghost-screaming world

replaced with beauty and love,

and hope!

Then he remembered who he was - 

a beloved Child of God,

wanted, 

protected, 

safe.

And as he wept at Jesus' feet, 

all the angels of heaven

wept and rejoiced with him.

He was Home at last.

Image from Google search 

http://iamthemindfire.deviantart.com/art/CONTENTMENT-176419114