Lectio Divina - Legion, the Gerasene

Lectio Divina - reading the Bible in a meditative way, imagining yourself there in that situation, looking for meaning.

The reading for this morning's daily prayers was the story of the man from Gerasa who is so filled with demons he calls himself 'Legion'. As I read it, tears filled my eyes. I understood some of his pain as I have had depression myself and witnessed my husband captive to his own fears. I needed to write what I felt, so I share it with you now....

That poor man;

A legion of conflicting voices

waging war in his head,

tearing him apart,

tossing his battered mind from one to another

like a precious object

thrown by malicious bullies,

while he stood by

helpless and weeping.

The pain he must have felt!

The agony of helplessness

that made him roar and rage,

beyond any man's help - 

how could they see

the war inside him?

How could they know how it felt,

when even cutting your body

to try to release the demons

seems your only help.

And then Jesus came-

Jesus!

Compassion shining in His eyes,

Hope radiating from His healing hands.

And at first the man was afraid.

How would it be to be free?

This terror was so awful,

but it was his terror,

familiar to him.

What - who -  would he be without it?

It had been so long now,

he couldn't remember 

what sanity was like.

And Jesus looked,

and He touched,

and He healed.

And suddenly the fear was gone.

Gone!

The weight was lifted!

The dark, rumbling clouds

replaced with blue sky and sunshine.

He could see again - 

truly see!

The distorted, haunted,

ghost-screaming world

replaced with beauty and love,

and hope!

Then he remembered who he was - 

a beloved Child of God,

wanted, 

protected, 

safe.

And as he wept at Jesus' feet, 

all the angels of heaven

wept and rejoiced with him.

He was Home at last.

Image from Google search 

http://iamthemindfire.deviantart.com/art/CONTENTMENT-176419114

Ubi Caritas...

A year ago my husband, Keith Charles Hawkins, was released from the terrible addiction that had made a nightmare of all our lives. He turned to the addiction to cope with his fears and stresses, but I hope, pray and believe he is free from those now, healed and forgiven. Here are some pictures from his life:

Chubby bubby!

Batman outfit - a present to celebrate his new baby brother's birth.

What a beautiful little boy!

1970s school cricket team. Keith played many sports for his school and his county.

Running man - with hairy chest!!!

With new girlfriend...

Officially engaged.

Wedding day.

Proud dad.

Love my toddler.

Daddy/daughter pointing competition.

On the doorstep together.

One of several trips to Disneyland, Paris.

A Master Mason in 2000, we raised lots of money for the local hospital at our Ladies' night.

In his work suit.

My handsome man.

Till we meet again.....   x x x x

A Country Evening

Do you know that feeling when there's something inside you, a lump of emotion, that needs to come out but you don't know how? With me, fleeing to Nature is the way to deal with it. My family know me well and don't even bat an eyelid when I tell them I've been sitting under a rhododendron bush in the woods!


Anyway, I went for a drive this evening, filled with this urge to get out and deal with all the feelings churning inside. I didn't know exactly where I was heading. The beach maybe? The woods? Luckily I live near to both habitats. I just drove and followed my instincts.


As I drove slowly down a country lane I saw a hare peeking at me from behind a hedge - a hare! The Lady's creature! So I knew that was where I was meant to go. I parked on a little track between two fields, rolled down my window and watched through my binoculars, listening to a cascade of bird song. Having brought with me my notebook and pen, another way to get those unnamed feelings out into the air, I wrote the following:


A chilly but sunny June evening.
Two hares lope across the bare earth.
A cock pheasant pops his head up
out of the long grass.
All around the songs of birds:
Blackbird, Chaffinch, Pheasant, Wood Pigeon
and many more that I can't identify.
A hen pheasant disguises herself
as a clod of earth.
Two little birds fly over - Linnets perhaps?
If only I'd brought my bird book!


I came out with aches in my heart,
grief,
the need to weep,
the need to do something,
to get out,
to go somewhere.
And I followed my heart's leading -
and a big hint from a hare -
to this beautiful place.


A Goldfinch sips from a puddle just ahead.
Further off comes the crack
of a gun - hunting pheasants no doubt.
But, ah, they do not know
the bliss of this little haven.


And no-one to share with,
no-one to remember this with,
no-one to take out this photograph
from our memory
and say "Do you remember 
that beautiful June evening..."


My Friend is gone.
He went a long time ago;
long, long before his body went
my Friend left me - 
ran off with his Mistress*
who killed him.
Slowly.


A Yellowhammer
has a splashy bath in the puddle.
A little moth
comes out to play.


And the world turns on and on.
Someone dies,
someone is born;
someone weeps,
another laughs.....


A BARN OWL!
A BARN OWL!!!
Gliding silently by,
its supper gripped in its claws.
And another hare passes
so close I could almost touch it!


And these are my Father's gifts,
my Mother's comforts,
to kiss me
and help me through.


Amen.
Amen.

*alcohol, not a woman