Very personal Psalm 139

At my retreat at the Community of All Hallows last month, Sister Sheila encouraged me to read through Psalm 139 (verses 1-18) again. I sat in the sunshine, slowly reading, and as I did so it seemed God asked me to turn the words around so that He was speaking instead of the Psalmist......

Juanita,
I have examined you
and I love you. 
I love you at rest and in action;
I love all your thoughts.
I walk with you in your journeying
and stay with you in your resting;
I have walked all the paths you take.
I have heard all the words you speak.
I guard you closely behind and before,
and my arms are always around you.

Where could you go to escape from my Spirit?
Where could you go, that I am not?
I am in your highest praises, your greatest joys,
and I am in your darkest places, your deepest fears.
I am in your Light Days,
and I am in your Dark Days;
my Presence fills even your Grey Days.

I it was
that called you into being.
I imagined you
and breathed you into life.
I rejoice that I made you!

And all is for Love - I love you!
Shout it from the hilltops - I LOVE YOU!
Whisper it to the trees - I love you!
Sing it
dance it
write it
roll in it
spin in it
revel in it - 
I love you!
I love you!
I LOVE YOU!

And I always will.

http://thetruthshineswithin.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/Jump-for-joy-2-cartoon-image.jpg

Now, dear reader, go back and read it again, but put your name at the beginning!  

Lectio Divina - Legion, the Gerasene

Lectio Divina - reading the Bible in a meditative way, imagining yourself there in that situation, looking for meaning.

The reading for this morning's daily prayers was the story of the man from Gerasa who is so filled with demons he calls himself 'Legion'. As I read it, tears filled my eyes. I understood some of his pain as I have had depression myself and witnessed my husband captive to his own fears. I needed to write what I felt, so I share it with you now....

That poor man;

A legion of conflicting voices

waging war in his head,

tearing him apart,

tossing his battered mind from one to another

like a precious object

thrown by malicious bullies,

while he stood by

helpless and weeping.

The pain he must have felt!

The agony of helplessness

that made him roar and rage,

beyond any man's help - 

how could they see

the war inside him?

How could they know how it felt,

when even cutting your body

to try to release the demons

seems your only help.

And then Jesus came-

Jesus!

Compassion shining in His eyes,

Hope radiating from His healing hands.

And at first the man was afraid.

How would it be to be free?

This terror was so awful,

but it was his terror,

familiar to him.

What - who -  would he be without it?

It had been so long now,

he couldn't remember 

what sanity was like.

And Jesus looked,

and He touched,

and He healed.

And suddenly the fear was gone.

Gone!

The weight was lifted!

The dark, rumbling clouds

replaced with blue sky and sunshine.

He could see again - 

truly see!

The distorted, haunted,

ghost-screaming world

replaced with beauty and love,

and hope!

Then he remembered who he was - 

a beloved Child of God,

wanted, 

protected, 

safe.

And as he wept at Jesus' feet, 

all the angels of heaven

wept and rejoiced with him.

He was Home at last.

Image from Google search 

http://iamthemindfire.deviantart.com/art/CONTENTMENT-176419114

True forgiveness

Most of us, even if we are not Christians, are aware of Jesus' words in Matthew 5:43-44
'You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.'
 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,'
but we are seldom in a situation of real emnity to put this into practise. Yes, of course, we have our petty situations, such as work colleagues 'backstabbing' their way to promotion but, praise God, most of us in the West are not being actually persecuted.

I was perusing the Norwich cathedral website, with a view to taking a visit this week, when I came across this page showing the Chapel of Holy Innocents. Here, it says, 'prayers are said for victims of cruelty, persecution, and intolerance.' But just look at the prayer found at Ravensbruck concentration camp during the second world war:

O Lord, remember not only the men and women of good will but also those of ill will. But do not remember all the suffering they have inflicted upon us; remember the fruits we have bought, thanks to this suffering, our comradeship, our loyalty, our humility, the courage, the generosity, the greatness of heart which has grown out of this; and when they come to judgement, let all the fruits that we have borne be their forgiveness. Amen.’

Wow! Now that's what I call forgiveness!!! What a saint! But it made me think....I've been through some awful times these last few years due to my husband's descent into alcoholism (though not even on the same scale as the suffering of concentration camp detainees, of course) and I can certainly see positive things, 'fruits', in myself that have come from it, such as greater self-confidence and the boldness and daring to do things instead of shrinking from them. I don't know that I'm quite ready yet to say 'do not remember all the suffering they inflicted upon us', I still need to deal with the remnants of anger and resentment, but I can certainly thank God for the good that has come from it, and for the wonderful people in Al-Anon that He has used to bring this about. Forgiveness will come...