Very personal Psalm 139

At my retreat at the Community of All Hallows last month, Sister Sheila encouraged me to read through Psalm 139 (verses 1-18) again. I sat in the sunshine, slowly reading, and as I did so it seemed God asked me to turn the words around so that He was speaking instead of the Psalmist......

Juanita,
I have examined you
and I love you. 
I love you at rest and in action;
I love all your thoughts.
I walk with you in your journeying
and stay with you in your resting;
I have walked all the paths you take.
I have heard all the words you speak.
I guard you closely behind and before,
and my arms are always around you.

Where could you go to escape from my Spirit?
Where could you go, that I am not?
I am in your highest praises, your greatest joys,
and I am in your darkest places, your deepest fears.
I am in your Light Days,
and I am in your Dark Days;
my Presence fills even your Grey Days.

I it was
that called you into being.
I imagined you
and breathed you into life.
I rejoice that I made you!

And all is for Love - I love you!
Shout it from the hilltops - I LOVE YOU!
Whisper it to the trees - I love you!
Sing it
dance it
write it
roll in it
spin in it
revel in it - 
I love you!
I love you!
I LOVE YOU!

And I always will.

http://thetruthshineswithin.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/Jump-for-joy-2-cartoon-image.jpg

Now, dear reader, go back and read it again, but put your name at the beginning!  

To Elizabeth

Some thoughts on the eve of the feast of the birth of John the Baptist....

Were you anxious, Mother Elizabeth?
Barren all those years, yet now - miracle of miracles - pregnant!
At your age!
All those years of scorn and pity from the other women,
all those years of self-torment and self-blame:
"The scriptures say the good man will be blessed with many children,
so what have I done wrong?
Or is it my husband, Zechariah, who has sinned? 
Is God punishing us by withholding life?"
But, no, Elizabeth,
God has a very special job for you and your husband!
You are to give birth to the Messenger,
the Herald,
the Way-Preparer.
Your tiny son, kicking in your womb,
will bring the dawn of the new age,
a new covenant, between God and the world - 
yes, the world! - 
not just your own people, the people special to God,
but all peoples because, 
at last,
Israel is ready to learn that all peoples are God's.

So here you are, on the eve of the birth,
pacing around,
panting with pain,
coping with the pangs of the coming birth.
Are you afraid that your old body will not cope,
when even young women labour so?
Do you fear you may die in the process?
Yet, like all mothers-to-be, 
you probably feel it will be worth it,
that your own death doesn't matter,
as long as your child is born safe and well.

I wonder what Zechariah is feeling?
Mute, he cannot easily share his concern for you.
Tensely sitting with the other men,
left out of Women's Mysteries,
waiting for God's miracle to be born.

And what of your cousin, Mary?
She, too, carries a Miraculous Child -
one more amazing than anyone can imagine!
When she visited you in your sixth month
you felt the Quickening of life recognizing Life.
How you both rejoiced!
Has anyone thought to tell her and Joseph
that your child is on his way?
How glad she will be!
And how many questions she will have to ask
of what it is like to give birth!

Ah, Mother Elizabeth, bear with the pain,
for it will all be worth it 
when you hold your special child in your arms!
Rejoice, Mother Elizabeth,
rejoice!
For the herald of your Saviour
is soon to be born!

Image by Google search  http://www.bible-people.info/mother_and_son2.jpg

Let Your God Love You!

I have recently returned from an individual guided retreat at All Hallows Convent, Ditchingham. I have visited All Hallows a couple of times before, staying for a few days each time, joining the Sisters for worship and a midday meal. It is a place of peace and of welcome, and I felt at home there from the very first visit; indeed I wrote in my journal that I could hear God singing from the roof there, like a Chaffinch or a Robin!

We were greeted with tea and cakes, and with a beautiful little vase of wild flowers in our rooms. After tea, we maintained silence (except for worship, and for chats with our guides) until breakfast on the last day. It was tricky remembering to show the day to day civilities by gesture instead of in words, but  there was a real feel of Companions On The Journey Together with us retreatants. And, my goodness, did we make up for it with chat at that last breakfast!  ;-)

Each day we met our guides, talking together, sharing together and going away with Bible readings or other quotes to think upon. We then prayed, meditated or thought in silence; in our rooms, in the communal living room, with the baby bunnies and red-legged partridges in the gardens, or as we walked the beautiful country lanes around there. We read, we stitched, we knitted, we slept, and we just allowed God to reach us as He wanted to.

Sister Sheila was my retreat guide. At the first meeting, she gave me a poem/prayer that really hit deeply, so I thought I would share it here. I don't know who wrote it, but will gladly acknowledge the author if I ever find out! Here it is:

Be silent. Be still.

Alone: empty before your God.

Say nothing.

Ask nothing.

Be silent.

Be still.

Let your God look upon you.

That is all.

He knows.

He understands.

He loves you

with an enormous love!

He only wants

to look upon you

with his love.

Quiet.

Still be.

Let your God

love you!

Image from Google Images search http://www.care2.com/greenliving/its-official-meditation-cures-stress.html

Set my people free!

Prayer for Prisoners

Oh God,
Who sent your Son
To set the captives free,
Have pity on those who are trapped
In their minds -
The depressed,
The addicted,
Those with dementia;
Break their bonds,
Gracious Lord,
And set them free.

Image found by Google Images http://www.superstock.com/stock-photos-images/1830-2070

Catching up

Gosh, such a long time since I've written on here! I've been meaning to write all the hundred and one things I've thought of since last August but, somehow, other things take priority and time just slips away. And now, where do I start? Which of those 101 things do I begin with? Hmmm....I’ll start by giving you some very belated news.

Last July, I became a Companion of Julian of Norwich. This is a worldwide group of people, lay or clergy, who wish to follow Julian’s teachings in their lives. Companions try, as best they are able, to:

·        reflect the unconditional love of God in their response to others and to themselves

·        exercise compassionate empathy in their daily lives

·        meditate and intercede for the world for at least 30 minutes a day

·        seek spiritual nourishment from regular study of Julian’s “Revelations of Divine Love”

·        make at least one visit to the Julian Shrine in Norwich during their lifetime, if possible

We make these promises annually and, as I only live about 45 minutes away from the Shrine, I made my promises there. It was a beautiful, moving occasion with nine of us, including my Mum and Daughter, in the tiny little room. Canon Beryl, my Rector and one of my sponsors, led the short service and Daphne, the other sponsor, read the Bible reading I had chosen (1 John 4:7-12). We sang, unaccompanied, Be Thou My Vision, and Liz Thomas, a Companion, presented me with a certificate, badge and medallion. There were other Friends of Julian present too, including Sister Pamela from All Hallows Community, who provide hospitality for visitors to the Shrine. (And, indeed, tea and cakes afterwards!)

Here are some piccies:

 Me, with Canon Beryl and Daphne.

My beautiful daughter is on the left, 

and my wonderful Mum is next to me, on the right of the picture.

Incidentally, I made the purple dress I am wearing, rushing to finish it on time. Since the fabric frays easily, I later had to reinforce the seams to make up for the short cuts I had taken!

I think that will do for this post - hopefully will post another of the 100 things left soon!

Blessings to all who read this!  x x

Empty feeling prayers

Sometimes when I pray I feel alight and alive, filled with joy and energy. Other times I feel  nothing; the words of the prayer book are just sounds my mouth makes, echoing in an empty room, and in the free prayer time I can't think of anything to say.

When I leave prayer time rejoicing I praise God for it, but when I leave feeling flat and disgruntled I feel guilty and apologise to God for not doing better. This morning was just such a 'nothing/empty words' time and, when I began to apologise, I felt God saying this;

          Don't put yourself down just because you didn't feel good during prayers.
          Feeling is irrelevant. Your prayers are surely heard, no matter how good 
          or bad you feel during or after them. You have set aside time to pray, time 
          to be with God, and that's what matters.

          I don't act on prayers according to how much you felt them. I act on all
          prayers because they are addressed to Me. If you feel good afterwards,
          that is a bonus. My Spirit still flows through you, whether you feel it or not.


Wow! What a loving God we have! Praise His name!

Mother Julian  bellsofnorwich.net

True forgiveness

Most of us, even if we are not Christians, are aware of Jesus' words in Matthew 5:43-44
'You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.'
 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,'
but we are seldom in a situation of real emnity to put this into practise. Yes, of course, we have our petty situations, such as work colleagues 'backstabbing' their way to promotion but, praise God, most of us in the West are not being actually persecuted.

I was perusing the Norwich cathedral website, with a view to taking a visit this week, when I came across this page showing the Chapel of Holy Innocents. Here, it says, 'prayers are said for victims of cruelty, persecution, and intolerance.' But just look at the prayer found at Ravensbruck concentration camp during the second world war:

O Lord, remember not only the men and women of good will but also those of ill will. But do not remember all the suffering they have inflicted upon us; remember the fruits we have bought, thanks to this suffering, our comradeship, our loyalty, our humility, the courage, the generosity, the greatness of heart which has grown out of this; and when they come to judgement, let all the fruits that we have borne be their forgiveness. Amen.’

Wow! Now that's what I call forgiveness!!! What a saint! But it made me think....I've been through some awful times these last few years due to my husband's descent into alcoholism (though not even on the same scale as the suffering of concentration camp detainees, of course) and I can certainly see positive things, 'fruits', in myself that have come from it, such as greater self-confidence and the boldness and daring to do things instead of shrinking from them. I don't know that I'm quite ready yet to say 'do not remember all the suffering they inflicted upon us', I still need to deal with the remnants of anger and resentment, but I can certainly thank God for the good that has come from it, and for the wonderful people in Al-Anon that He has used to bring this about. Forgiveness will come...

Daily Prayer link

Okay, I've spent a good half hour trying to put a 'feed' to this, without success, so just click on the title to go it.

This is a link to Daily Prayer on the Church of England website. You can choose morning, evening or night prayer in contemporary or traditional language, and it has all the readings and psalms there for you so you don't have to keep looking it all up in different places!

I have a shortcut to this on my desktop and find it very useful as a reminder to myself to set aside time for prayer, even if it's just a few minutes to read through night prayer before going to bed.

Blessings to all  x x