Set my people free!

Prayer for Prisoners

Oh God,
Who sent your Son
To set the captives free,
Have pity on those who are trapped
In their minds -
The depressed,
The addicted,
Those with dementia;
Break their bonds,
Gracious Lord,
And set them free.

Image found by Google Images http://www.superstock.com/stock-photos-images/1830-2070

Lectio Divina - Legion, the Gerasene

Lectio Divina - reading the Bible in a meditative way, imagining yourself there in that situation, looking for meaning.

The reading for this morning's daily prayers was the story of the man from Gerasa who is so filled with demons he calls himself 'Legion'. As I read it, tears filled my eyes. I understood some of his pain as I have had depression myself and witnessed my husband captive to his own fears. I needed to write what I felt, so I share it with you now....

That poor man;

A legion of conflicting voices

waging war in his head,

tearing him apart,

tossing his battered mind from one to another

like a precious object

thrown by malicious bullies,

while he stood by

helpless and weeping.

The pain he must have felt!

The agony of helplessness

that made him roar and rage,

beyond any man's help - 

how could they see

the war inside him?

How could they know how it felt,

when even cutting your body

to try to release the demons

seems your only help.

And then Jesus came-

Jesus!

Compassion shining in His eyes,

Hope radiating from His healing hands.

And at first the man was afraid.

How would it be to be free?

This terror was so awful,

but it was his terror,

familiar to him.

What - who -  would he be without it?

It had been so long now,

he couldn't remember 

what sanity was like.

And Jesus looked,

and He touched,

and He healed.

And suddenly the fear was gone.

Gone!

The weight was lifted!

The dark, rumbling clouds

replaced with blue sky and sunshine.

He could see again - 

truly see!

The distorted, haunted,

ghost-screaming world

replaced with beauty and love,

and hope!

Then he remembered who he was - 

a beloved Child of God,

wanted, 

protected, 

safe.

And as he wept at Jesus' feet, 

all the angels of heaven

wept and rejoiced with him.

He was Home at last.

Image from Google search 

http://iamthemindfire.deviantart.com/art/CONTENTMENT-176419114

In the mood...

My moods have been all over the place this last week or two, changing from day to day and from hour to hour.  At present on a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is very happy and 1 is downright miserable, I'd put myself at a 4; so bear that in mind as you read this post!  There are many possible causes for the lows - my completely changed circumstances since last November when hubby died, the constant rain we've had over the last 3 weeks, tiredness etc. 


Doctor is investigating the tiredness; we suspect sleep apnoea, probably caused by sinus problems. She's also told me to lose weight. I bought some new bathroom scales the other day but they're obviously defective as they say I'm a whopping 13 stone 13 pounds!!! That's the heaviest I've ever been and, at a height of 5 feet 1 inch, I certainly don't want to be any heavier. I've made an effort to increase my exercise regime, and have been going to classes two to three times a week and, to my surprise, I'm really enjoying it. I'm also getting my bike repaired and I like to walk when I can. BUT I really, really don't want to change my eating habits. I know where I'm going wrong - snacking  in the evening. When I stop to ask myself why I'm doing it I realise it's comfort eating because low moods usually hit me after sunset, and because I'm tired. How silly to compensate for tiredness by eating chocolate or biscuits! Surely the way to help with tiredness is to have a nap?!


Anyway, to try to help myself keep track of what's going on I've devised this sheet:

Hope you can see it alright...


Perhaps after a week or so I'll be able to see some trends to help me set achievable goals.


And maybe, after I've had a nice hot bath, my mood level will go up to an 7 - or even more if the sun comes out!

Under the Weather

Feeling a bit gloomy today, a bit cheesed off, under the weather. When I feel like this I try to work out the cause by picturing myself in the centre of a circle, with possible causes ranged around the outside. Then, one by one, I mentally remove them and see if I feel any better without them. Work? No that's ok, put it back. Family? Nope, all fine there. Housework? Well, the washing up needs doing, but it's not actually bothering me. Sometimes I can't find a cause, but often it turns out to be because the weather is grey and gloomy - and there's nothing I can do about that!

Strange to think that weather can affect us so. It definitely affects the children I teach - windy weather makes them wild, rainy weather means indoor play so no let out for those who need to run around, and snow makes them so excited it's pointless to even attempt anything requiring thought!

But I'm not a child, I'm an adult. A rational, logical, intelligent, sensible (well most of the time!) adult. How can I let such a thing as the weather get to me? It's utterly ridiculous!   

You will have guessed by now that I have S.A.D. (Seasonal Affected Disorder), and no amount of telling myself not to be so silly will change the way the chemicals in my body work. In Autumn and Winter I take medication to help, and in Spring I start reducing the dosage till, hopefully, by Summer I don't need it. This reduction is probably why I'm feeling it today, especially after weeks of unseasonable sunshine.

On a day like today I try to cope by acknowledging there is a problem, making allowances for it (don't even try to do anything that involves making decisions or being in crowded places!), but also to not indulge it by wallowing in it and making myself feel worse - it's a fine balancing act sometimes! I remind myself that 'this too will pass', and I'll probably be myself again tomorrow.

Here's a poem I wrote in 1999 before being diagnosed:

On a windy, rainy night

Lord,

forgive me the times

I let fear get the better of me -

when a grey day makes me feel gloomy,

when the wind’s roaring scares me,

when the darkness outside as night approaches

seeps into my mind also.

Help me not to let

these natural things affect my moods,

remembering that You created them,

You caused them to be,

You set the rules for them.

Let me instead

rejoice in the variety of weather

You have made,

the turning of the seasons,

the circle of day and night,

seeing them in their wholeness and balance

with daytime, sunshine, and calmness.

Help me to learn from them, Lord,

the lessons You can teach;

that darkness and bad weather

don’t last forever -

the sun will come again

and that we need sun and rain

to grow strong and tall.

And,

if I cannot do either of these Lord,

hold my hand

and sit with me

until the moods pass

and I am myself again.

Amen.